Yes, I resign from that school in Singapore. But, it doesn't mean I quit from fashion design.
Long time ago, I thought I could cope myself there. I was confident that I could enjoy my school there until graduate.
But, the fact was different from my mind. I never thought it was that stressful. I was trying to achieve the best and working as hard as I could until I didn't have fun anymore. In the end, I scared a lot, everyday. I lost myself. My head was stuck. I couldn't design properly, I hurt myself. My creativity, my confidence, they were all gone. All of my friends avoided me. Probably just from couch surfing (even I just visited them once or twice). It was full of pressure. I cried everyday. I lost my weight, always down. I experienced 3 to 4 of 6 symptoms of break down. The worst part, I almost didn't trust God anymore.
In the end, I quit from there. I couldn't handle the pressure.
But, one thing for sure. I don't blame the school. I blame myself because working way to hard and being immature.
After the lecturers heard of my resignation, they immediately called me and asking of my resignation after all they see my projects. But, at least they really opened to me. If I need to ask something, I could ask them :)
The night after I sign the withdrawal form, one of my couch surfing friends text-ed me and say "hey, can you design something for me?". I was completely shocked and didn't know what to answer. He knew I resigned. I still had some depressions that time and my head was still stuck. But, I said yes and he briefed me through e-mail.
I went back to Jakarta on 30 Oct, 2011. I designed for my friend and he accepted it. It was a miracle for me. I really thought that I couldn't design anymore, but I was wrong.
In Jakarta wasn't easy as well, I need to face my friends and my family and answer about my resignation. My family understands but my friends mostly said it was a pity that I resign from one of the top design school in Singapore. It's hard to face and answer those questions when my parents have to lie that "she was homesick, so she came back" when ppl asked them about this. I COULD'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE that is the reason. I told my parents to tell them the truth 'cause it hurts so much to hold that feeling. And they did. The hardest part when if ppl ask me, my mind will go back to those horrible past and I cried if I think bout it when I'm alone. That's why I don't regret a single thing about my resignation.
I didn't graduate high school, I only finished my 1st year of high school and went to Singapore. When you're in primary, secondary, and high school, yes, grades are important. Now I realize, in University, grades; just put'em in secondary part; the primary part is networking. That's my biggest mistake since I was in Singapore.
Lecturers, they are actually cool people.
My friends in Singapore, some I still have contact with them, but mostly I lost contact with them. Probably because I ruined "Indonesian" name from there. *joke*
But, I still hoping for the best for them and good luck.
Now, I'm still scared if I have to meet my friends from my former school in Singapore. But, I'm going to fight.
"This is a battle between myself and myself. God is my coach, it's up to me weather to follow His instructions or not. But I have to liaoo"
You can say to me, "Lydia, you're such immature to post this in your blog blah blah blah cuihhhh." I don't mind, it's your rights to comment.
